i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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