I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Randomize
