whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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