hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
