wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dick very happy bro
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
