is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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