she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
