Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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