I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Holy shit dude........stairs
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