Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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