I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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