Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
