what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
