Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
