I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
