So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
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He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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