It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
