I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
