Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
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