Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My feet surprised me
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