we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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