found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
