where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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