Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
