literally had 100 drinks last night.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
