I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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