I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
