I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
