I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
