I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
