Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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