Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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