I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
