Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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