There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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