who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
