I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
