He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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