Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
