Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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