I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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