she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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