it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
