we have officially lost it.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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