If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Randomize
