I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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