I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
