youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
