think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
