I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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