6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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