Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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