I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
