I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
