well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
