i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
