so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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