bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
