and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
