Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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