using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
